'Cause You Got to Have Friends
I often give to my client’s is the Adverse Childhood Experiences Questionnaire. It is a scale that rates the severity of you childhood trauma. If you are interested in taking it on your own, you will find it here.
An ACE Score tells us the degree to which a person experienced trauma in their formative years, it can also tell us what to expect as we age. For each point on the scale the risk of poor health outcomes, such as mental illness, heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease, and even diabetes go up significantly.
So if I was abused, am I doomed? The answer is, kinda. There is no changing the fact that negative health outcomes increase with a higher ACE score. However, childhood trauma isn't the whole story. There are other factors that can greatly improve those negative outcomes. Taking care of one’s own mental health, diet and exercise is important as we all know. However, there is one very simple factor that isn’t often talked about. Friends.
A couple years ago I was giving a lecture as a guest in a Psych 101 class. It came time for questions and answers. One student asked, “Do you believe everyone needs counseling?” My answer was quick, “No.” I want on to talk about how unless you have traumatic events, or mental health issues that are affecting your functioning, I don’t believe you need it. I also shared, “As for me, I use my friends.”
One of our annual lake days!
We have long known that quality friendships can reduce stress and the affects of trauma. Having a best friend is the key factor to improve outcomes after a child is abused. It doesn’t end there of course, having solid adult friendships can add years to our lives.
ACE scores or their equivalent also affect animals. Like us, baboons who have experienced early trauma have a shortened life span, but also like us, having friends changes that. In a recent study baboons could gain 2.2 years of life by spending quality time with their friends regardless of their previous life experiences. Baboon quality time is measured by the amount of time spent grooming each other, by the way.
So who do you count as friends? How would you measure a high quality friendship? It can be difficult with our busy schedules but seriously, spending time with your friends is good for you!